


H is for: The Hobbit or Harry or Hermione

by Zaphrina



Series: Darcy Lewis Crossover Madness [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy is the fandom bicycle and I love it, F/F, F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, goddamn so many requests, too many ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-08 13:16:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3210500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaphrina/pseuds/Zaphrina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy portal jumps to Middle Earth and finds her Dwarf soulmate;<br/>Darcy lives in Laketown;<br/>Darcy meets Harry third year and thinks he's ridiculous;<br/>Darcy goes to Beauxbatons and meets Hermione</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Darcy + Kili

     "This is the last time I go into one of Jane's wonky portals," Darcy was freezing, she's wet, and she's in some sort of freaky ass forest and it smelled funny and she was hearing noises and voices.

     "What's this?" A voice from behind her startled her and she backed away from the scruffy short man... "Who goes there?"

     "Who even says that? You sound like some old medieval weirdo," aaand suddenly he had a sword.

     "Uncle!" came a shout from a blonde man who came running from behind. "She's just a girl, calm down. Miss, who are ye?"

    "Darcy Lewis, and you?"

     "Fili, this is my Uncle and King, Thorin," she nodded.

     "You do not bow?" Thorin was grumpy.

     "Where I come from, there isn't a king, there's a president and the people vote for him because he's not an asshole. I can already tell that I wouldn't vote for you," he drew the sword again when another one came running up from behind. He barely spared her a glance before reprimanding his uncle, then he looked back at her.

     " _You are as stunning as the stars the shine upon Erebor, my lady, what is your name?_ " Darcy choked. She actually choked. Like full on red-faced, hacking, spitting, painful choking. "Have I offended you?" He was concerned. She could tell.

     " _No, no, no, give me a minute to try not to die of asphyxiation, kay?_ " She stood up after a moment and looked him up and down. Cute, he was pretty tall compared to the others, but she could deal with a short guy. "I'm Darcy."

     "I am Kili, what brings you to these woods?"

     "Um... I kinda just appeared out of thin air... Didn't expect to be here."

     "Then fate has thrown you here to my side, for we are soulmates!" He looked positively jovial.

     "Yeah, we are, aren't we," Darcy tuned out for about five minutes as the three guys -dwarves?- argued between themselves.

     "Come with us."

     "What?" Darcy snapped back to the present.

     "Join us." She eyed them and shrugged. She had nowhere else to be.

* * *

 

_**SPOILER AHEAD FOR THE HOBBIT: BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES** _

 

 

     Darcy was sucked back through a portal at the end of the battle. Jane was surprised to see Darcy in full leather and silver battle armor, Thor was delighted. 

     She made her way to Tony's personal bar and he poured her a glass of something dark and potent.

     "What's up Lewis?"

     "Met my soulmate."

     "Lookin blue because Foster sucked you back?" She shook her head. "Why then?" She looked up, despite common beliefs, Tony was a caring guy. She wasn't completely surprised, but she was glad to have someone care.

     "I spent months with him and his travelling companions. Alternate universe and all that. Got trapped in an elf dungeon, sailed down a river in a barrel, fought a dragon and then there was the Battle," she sighed and downed her drink, to which Tony poured her another.

     "The Battle?"

     "Yeah. Dwarves, elves, men, orcs and eagles. Bullshit if you ask me. Thought everything was over after the dragon died but there was much more to come. Then... He was killed..." she sighed and unbuckled her damned armor, leaving her in the ill-fitting leathers and fabrics the dwarves gave to her. Tony took the fantasy weird stuff pretty well and poured her more. 

     She sighed. At least she spent some time with him. That was enough for her.


	2. Darcy + Bard

     Darcy was many things. She was kind and friendly, but also clever and cunning. One thing, she was not. She wasn't gullible. When she overheard Bard lying through his teeth about fish in the barrels, she made it her goal to figure out what he was hiding. Consequently, she followed him home and waited outside while bumps and groans emerged through the cracks in the walls and windows. Curiosity, one of her less useful traits, lead her to knock on the door. Perhaps a docile introduction wouldn't startle the irksome man. She was wrong.

     "Darlene? This is not a good time. Out with you," he shooed her, but she persisted.

     "I told you to call me Darcy, Bard," she sighed and pushed her way closer to him, trying to use her ample cleavage as distraction. He was persistent as well.

     "Now isn't the time  _Darlene,"_ he tried to close the door when she saw a group of dwarves running through the house.

     "Dwarves?" She gasped and pushed in. "I've never met anyone who isn't a human," she watched as they went about their business.

     "And you won't today. Get out."

     "Don't be a sourpuss, Bard," Darcy went to walk up to the group but the man held her back, grasping her shoulders roughly and spinning her around.

     "Listen to me, Darlene-"

     "Darcy."

     "Darcy. This could prove to be very illegal and I really don't want you caught up in this," he was surprised to see a small smile curving Darcy's smooth, plump lips.

     "You care about me," she'd forgotten about the dwarves for the moment, but Bard made no more moves to direct her outside. With a sigh and a run of his fingers through his hair he pulled the sly woman close to him and gave her a bruising kiss, effectively taking her breath away and stunning her further so that he could push her back to the threshold.

     "Of course I care about you, Darcy. However, this could be very dangerous and I don't want you caught up in this. Once the dwarves are gone, we will find each other," he promised and left a lingering kiss on her lips.

     "I don't want to go. Dwarves and kisses await me," she tried for a smile but his conviction saddened her. "Can you promise me you will find me?"

     "... I will try."

* * *

     MORE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES SPOILERS BELOW. BEWARE.

     Darcy was in the pack of humans that were following Bard after Smaug had ruined Laketown, but she hadn't actually seen or spoken to him since that first night. 

     In an act of bravery (and idiocy) Darcy suited up in armor and covered herself so she (at best) looked like a man with a sizeable chest, and tucked her hair into a helmet. She'd be damned if she didn't help fight for her people. The battle was not kind to her and she ended up unconscious with an axe stuck in her breast plate that (very fortunately) had only pierces the very first layer of skin. However, Bard didn't know that.

     "Darcy?" He called to her, but she didn't answer. His... lady?.. was unmoving on the ground with an axe embedded in her and her helmet on the ground hear her. His immediate reaction was to kneel beside her and weep, but a twitch of the eyelids startled him out of his stupor. A moan and a grunt later, Darcy threw the armor off and pressed her shirt into the slim wound on her stomach.

     "Bard?" He sighed, scolded her for fighting, and threw his arms around her for another bruising kiss filled with all of the fear and wrath he had experienced in the seconds since he found her. He wouldn't ever lose her. He would keep her safe from this battle and from any future battle. He would wed her.

 


	3. Darcy + Harry Potter

THIRD YEAR

* * *

 

 

     "Something wrong with Hufflepuff?" Darcy snarked the redhead, and he shook his head, not expecting his silly quip to anger a Hufflepuff. Darcy didn't understand why nobody liked Hufflepuff. What good did being cunning or brave or smart do if you had no friends. Nothing. Go Hufflepuff for taking everyone's shit and still being friendly as fuck.

     "I always knew Americans were mean," he mumbled and Darcy tried to throw herself at the idiot, but she held herself back by a string. "And since when are Hufflepuffs so angry?"

     "Hufflepuffs are nice, but they're not pushovers. Go shove your nose into someone else's business before I sock you in the face," with another almost punch thrown his way, one of his friends pulled him away while Darcy's only friend (a sixth year named Cedric) held her back. "I'm good," she sighed and brushed non-existent dust off of her robes. When Darcy turned around, Ron's best friend was all up and close in her business, and by the look on his face, he was about to apologize for his friend's actions. Darcy knew who Harry Potter was, she'd just never met him before.

     " _Sorry about Ron, he's lost his rat and is having a bit of a rough day_ ," he shrugged and Darcy elbowed Cedric for not even concealing his snickers (that were beginning to turn into full out laughs.)

     " _I'll let it slide this time, but if he ever bashes my house again I'll flatten his nose,"_ Harry choked and Darcy sighed. "Don't look so surprised. This isn't the first time he's mocked someone's house." And with that she took her friend in tow back to their dormitory.

     When Cedric burst out in laughter, Darcy elbowed him in the gut and huffed. "He's ridiculous."

     "He is, but you two are just adorable." Cedric laughed at his younger friend's expense and relaxed into a couch. He'd already met his soulmate, a girl named Cho. She was a sweet girl and Darcy considered her a friend. Darcy didn't have any classes with Harry, and hoped that in the next few years he might become less... ridiculous.

FOURTH YEAR

* * *

     "You got balls, kid," came Darcy's voice when Harry was walking back to Gryffindor after the fateful meeting about the Tri-Wizard cup. He jumped and turned to face her, a slight frown on his face. Her own face was near murderous. "If you die, I'll have to kill you," and with that she turned and exited as fast as she could, leaving Harry to wonder as he walked back to the safety of his room. It might have been his imagination that he heard her sniffling sadly on her way away from him, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to explain himself to her. And so he did, the next day. He cornered her after dinner and she unsuccessfully tried to escape.

     "I didn't put my name in the cup," were his first words, and she stopped struggling.

     "Explain."

     "I don't know how, I don't want to do it, but it has to be done." Darcy's fight all bled out of her and she sort of... slumped, and drew him close in a hug. "You know... If I do die... I don't want it to be like this between us... Would you go to Hogsmeade with me the next trip?" And so she agreed, and they began making regular dates, whether it be to Hogsmeade or to the Black Lake for a picnic.

     Their first kiss was the day of the first task. He'd picked his dragon and she sneaked into the tent (with Hermione's help.) She wished her luck to Cedric, of course, and went over to Harry. With two kisses on his cheeks she wished him luck and made him promise not to die. At the end of her little monologue he caught her face in both hands and kissed her, it was a bit fear, a bit adrenaline, and a lot of love and with one last kiss she ran back to the stands and awaited his fate.

     Darcy dreaded the Yule ball. That summer she had a growth spurt. She didn't get any taller, but the girls... The girls were ridiculous. She was sure she would have back problems by seventh year. Ridiculous. However, she found a dress with Hermione and Cho's help and taught Harry how to dance. He was terrible, but the ball was a lot of fun.

     The second task had Darcy worrying at her lip with her teeth as she waited for Harry to emerge from the water. When he did, she cried. She was sure her heart would give out by the time this was over.

     When the third task rolled around, she stood with Cedric's father instead of Harry's friends. She wasn't feeling well, and Cedric's father (he was really her second father, if she wanted to label it) was closest to the door, so if he needed to rush her to the medical wing, it was doable. The wait was agony, Darcy's stomach was roiling and her nerves were shot.

     Harry emerged hours later with Cedric under him. Her first glance was ecstatic, but Fleur was screaming and then Darcy noticed. She couldn't hear anything past her own screams, or Cedric's dad's, or Cho's for that matter. And she fainted, not knowing how to respond.

     When she awoke, Harry was sitting in medical next to her, and she sat there with his head pressed against her neck for hours, not mentioning his tears or her own. 

     Their relationship grew from that day on. Tragedy does that. Darcy started out at Hogwarts with one friend, and ended with more than she could ever want, and she had Harry to thank for that. And she loved him for that.

 


	4. Darcy + Hermione

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, my baby had a virus so I had to take her to Geek Squad, took a few days to fix. But we're back!

     Darcy Lewis, the only American at Beauxbatons. She spoke fluent French, though. Her life was a regular one, if you add magic into the mix, of course. She traveled with her peers to Hogwarts and put her name into the Goblet of Fire. She wasn't chosen, but she befriended Diggory and Potter. They were both nice kids. It was the day that she met Harry's friends that really stuck out to her.

     "You must be Ron, Harry talks about you all the time," Darcy kissed him on the cheek and he stuttered out an introduction.

     " _Don't mind him, he's already had quite a rough day, thanks to Fleur_ ," she smiled, and Darcy grinned back.

     " _I wonder what she did to make him so startled_ ," and at that Hermione's small smile grew into an excited grin. 

     "Am I missing something?" Harry looked between the two girls, who had turned, grasped hands and began walking towards the lake.

     "I think I'm missing something as well... But one thing's for sure" Ron trailed off.

     "What's that?"

     "Even Hermione gets more girls than I do."

     


End file.
